I tried.
I tried to leave this blog alone…
But it keeps pulling me back.
Went a couple months without reading. As previously mentioned, I have been trying to put this thing behind me and focus on the present tense. However, tonight I woke up, and the first thing on my mind was this blog. It was like Dave tapped me on the shoulder and was like, “Excuse me, did you forget? Shouldn’t you be awake, typing something about me? I was your cousin, after all…”
Pardon me, kid. My bad.
Not even sure what I want to write. Almost seems like the well has run dry. How much more can be said…?
Yet, I can’t help myself.
Thank you, sir, and may I have another?
I actually went back and re-read all of my blogs and all of the other blogs posted on the site. Reviewed my own grammatical mistakes as if they matter. Who cares, dude… let it go.
But… already?
As the days and months fly by, faster than they ever have in my lifetime, I realize that this “event” is still NEW. Maybe 5 months have passed, but what are 5 months these days? May as well be 5 minutes. Saw Tim’s blog about the ground above David’s grave not being fully settled. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. I’ve stood there trying to talk to you, trying to absorb some of your pain and put your mind at ease. I CANNOT accept the fact that you did this. How could I? Would you want me to? Probably.
No, I refuse to pour out any liquor. You made your bed.
Again, as I reflect on all the times I had with him that seem like yesterday, I realize this is BRAND NEW in the grand scheme of things. Maybe I shouldn’t be trying to leave it behind. Perhaps I haven’t dwelled enough, and further introspection is necessary? Maybe I should refocus by expanding the aperture to allow some additional darkness to creep into the mind’s eye? Did I abandon my cousin by discontinuing my efforts in a meager attempt to allow the scar tissue to heal? Maybe I need this more than I previously understood…
I don’t know. Whatever the reason for waking up with this on my mind, here I am.
So… @David: What is it that you’d like to discuss?
There is not a day that passes that I don’t get the urge to call you. The thoughts and questions I have for you continue to mount, and without being discussed, they compile in my mind like a big stack of unread articles, each waiting patiently for their turn to rotate and be given their proper attention. You are still part of everything I am. I can’t separate my daily life from the ability to call you whenever and discuss a certain topic. It’s intrinsic. There are only a few people I call anytime I feel like it. You were among the top of that list.
I thought about deleting your number from my cell phone. I won’t be needing it anymore.
Haven’t done it yet.
The weather has been so nice—it would have been cool to get up and ball. What do you feel about Jeremy Lin? What would you say about the incredible season LeBron is having? I wish you could have seen Sebastian play in the championship game! I wish you could see Thaddeus shoot. He’s ready to play right now, and he just turned two. I think he’s a lefty.
Bought a new pair of kicks… what do you think? Haven’t rocked Adidas in a while.
Got mad grey hairs in my beard, kid… haha. Might have to break out the Just For Men.
Mad Men is coming back soon… I know you got your Don Draper Vitalis ready. Gramp would be proud.
Work is good… busy.
I know you’re dieting for summer, but you know you want a steak and cheese at Super Duper.
…Kid, you came to my wedding rehearsal in a cutoff sweatshirt. On a motorcycle, asking me how long this is gonna take.
You know the fact that you wanted to be called David instead of Dave is because I told you I’d rather be called Jason instead of Jay… c’mon, you know it…
Bud Light Platinum?
Sofia Vergara…
I know I slept on Illmatic at first.
Who would you have wanted to be more: Tupac when you were 13, or Brad Pitt when you were 23?
Or David Price at 33?
Everyone misses you…
Why didn’t you tell me how you felt? Were you embarrassed? I’ve told you practically every feeling I’ve ever had…
What do you think about the fact that you said you’d see me soon and then decided to strangle yourself? What do you think I think about that?
What do you think I think about that?
Are you in Heaven?
Well yo, don’t be such a stranger… wake me up anytime… I’ll be here.
