This has been a challenging week, as you can probably tell by the posts. There is a lot of work that needs to be done in addition to the regularly-scheduled programming. Even though you are checking things off the list, it is as if finishing one thing opens Pandora’s box to the next line of things you need to get done.
It is overwhelming. What is worse is that so many people have been kind enough to offer help where very little help can be accepted, due to mostly legal restrictions. The lawyer’s bills keep clicking off hours, while the banks ask for more information, while the management companies remind you of all the silly rules that create more legal billing time. Oh, don’t forget tax season, so not just one return but—count ’em—FOUR returns that need to be done.
Your friends are busy having kids that you want to meet, or have a dinner you have had on the books for over a year, and your family is wondering when you are coming to visit next. You don’t want to make excuses. All you can think about is how much stuff you won’t get done if you actually do what you want to do. And even if you could have time to do your stuff, you just want to crawl into bed and get some sleep.
The timer is clicking off hours before your executor paperwork lapses, and then you’ll be busy running back and forth to Chambers Street again. The hospital will call you, asking about bills you already paid for the service they provided, which ultimately resulted in the events that led to David’s untimely death.
All the while, you are doing your regularly-scheduled work, back-burnering your own “To-Do” list because it will just have to wait, while you bend and curtsy to the “Must-Dos” of your dead brother.
There are times where I am just plain upset. There are times where I am as pissed as I can be for the nerve he had to leave this all on me. But mostly, it’s just the harsh reminder every step of the way that these “To-Dos” are the checklist to the finality of one person’s life and the “paperwork” required to remove their name from the record of the living.
While there is no particularly good way to die, I just want to demonstrate how devastatingly-awesome taking your own life is to those who are left behind. I’m not complaining, but I am definitely venting right now. This weekend will be a checklist of stuff I have little interest in doing but have no option but to complete.
Have a good weekend.
