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DREAMLAND

By November 18, 2013Acceptance

Had a dream last night with David in it. So far as I can recall, this is only the second time he has shown up in my dreams since he left us. There is a consistency between this dream and the last dream in that I never actually see him. He is always around the corner, and we are speaking to one another as if he was in another room. In the previous dream, we were at my grandmother’s house. This time, I cannot place where we were.

It was a hallway with a door leading right. I cannot recall what we were speaking about, but somewhere between REM and consciousness, I was experiencing something that can’t really be defined as sadness—anxious would be it, but without anxiety. Just a nagging feeling that something was wrong.

I woke up several times throughout the night, and it was one of those dreams where when you fall back asleep, it’s as if the movie projector in your mind pressed the play button, and you started right where you left off. I woke up in a pool of sweat a couple times.

I think I am beginning to let the guard down a bit and to really start the next phase of grieving over my brother. It’s sort of interesting when you think about it: that the process of healing doesn’t really have any finality to it. There are scars to remind us, and you never truly ever recover. The pristine surface has been marred and continues to change with you as you change.

This whole morning, the dream has been lingering and leaving this inquisitive side of me trying to break it down.

I’ll post more if I recall the actual content of the dream. But for now, it would be interesting to hear from you all if there is anything significant about the fact that he is conversing without actually being physically present in the same room.