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The Roof Deck

I talk to myself out loud quite a bit. I sometimes wonder what people on the street think, but I have found that talking out loud is a good way for me to remember what I need to do, even if it may include a running stream of consciousness.

David always would comment on outdoor spaces when we would be out and about. We’d look at this building and at that building, and he’d always comment, “Look at that deck,” or, “Check out their patio.” When I looked for my new place, I had three mandatory requirements: two bathrooms, two floors, and a roof deck.

When I showed David the deck before we moved in, he was so about it. There was also something else behind it that, in hindsight, could have been a twinge of jealousy. But there was a big part of the deck requirement that was specifically for David. I knew he wasn’t going to move out of his place any time soon, and so when I saw the deck, I just imagined the above picture and David kicking it with me and our friends on the roof, like we used to on the beach or when we would find places in NYC to enjoy the outdoors.

As we put the finishing touches on the roof, I find the running stream of consciousness coming out more often than not. We really went a bit overboard on the roof. But who doesn’t love a project? And whenever did the Price bros do anything like normal people?

So last night, I was just sanding a bench, doing some little stuff I try to do each night when I get a few minutes, and I realized I was just babbling away to nobody since it was just me on the roof. It was as if David was kicking it in the corner—he wasn’t. I am no longer a believer in that stuff for my own reasons, but I do know in my mind what he was, and what I remember he liked has gone into each and every piece of this deck. I am almost making it out of spite sometimes. A healthy spite, if there is such a thing. I know the deck is going to be the source of many memories to yet be made, and I look forward to them.

I am quite sure that when we look at the finished project, it is something that David—if he had chosen to stick with us—would have been impressed by, and we would have spent a lot of time on it figuring out the rest of our lives.