You have probably asked yourself this more than one time in your life. I do it over a hundred times a day. I fall asleep and wake up to one word/feeling/thought every day: “David.” I replay scenarios in my head regularly. What could I have done? Why didn’t I _____? If only I had ______…
The simple fact is there is nothing any of us could have done… but there is plenty for us to do. When you look at the infinite amount of people that were connected to David’s life, there was not a single moment when he did not have at least 100 people ready, willing, and able to do whatever, whenever, wherever.
I’ve heard from countless friends this air of regret—this admission of some sort of self-applied guilt. To this, I say forgive yourself for you are guilty of nothing. If you need me to tell you on behalf of David that we did all we could with the information and tools we had, then here you go. YOU did all you could. There is not a single person I know, outside of myself, as a result of this tragedy who is more rich with family and friends than David was. That wasn’t going to help solve his plight… if it would have, we never would have even come remotely close to where we all are now.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t think about “What If,” but I can tell you I’m not beating myself up with my “What If” scenarios. I am, however, more hyper-aware of all the things I had done and what I might do differently if presented with a similar situation in the future.
I guess my point today is to say it is healthy to ask yourself “what if?” because I can assure you many of us will likely face a person close to us with depression and suicidal thoughts again in our future. Where it becomes unhealthy is if you hold yourself accountable for the actions of others. You’re not doctor-trained to handle this. We are just people who cared and continue to care, and we do the best with the tools we have available to us.
Caring is one of the best medicines on the market today, that no pharmaceutical company can ever produce. You have met your obligations because you cared and continue to care.
