Better day than expected. First real full day at the office and just took some time to zone into some projects I was in the middle of them when the world imploded around me. Was able to get some time with David’s last doctor… it’s not the doctor for me, but I knew that. We had an exceptional conversation about David and the struggles he was having. I learned a little more about his particular world at the time. It was frustrating a bit because he only went four times, so even his doctor was frustrated at not having more time with him to diagnose his struggles more in depth. Suffice to say there was some personality disorder meets anxiety, meets lack of tools to cope. I hope to speak with her further and maybe even get a look at her notes at some time. Woke up in my bed for maybe the fourth time since I’ve officially moved. I keep getting what I am calling “Vertigo”: You wake up in an unfamiliar place, your first thought is “David,” and then you have to try to sort out where you are. “Oh this is my new room,” “Aunt Sue’s Couch”… nothing is familiar right now. I’m very exposed and struggling a bit to find a “comfort zone” where I can think a little more deeply. It is, to date, the most challenging thing I have ever experienced. Imagine a pitch black room, and you know there is a door… you just don’t know where it is or what shape the room is. You know you are not in danger, but you are scared and frustrated groping the walls trying to find a corner, a handle, anything… some indication of some feature to ground yourself in. Yet you find none. Your typical senses are removed, and the ones you use least will likely get you through this. But first, you need to remember how to use them.
