He sits him down in a stiff chair…
Rubs his back and strokes his hair…
Telling him it is okay to cry…
But he just sits and stares…
I spent the better half of last night working on a video slideshow that I need to get done for the event on the 17th, and I don’t think there was a single moment when tears were not streaming down my face.
I don’t know what it is about our society that demands that we aren’t supposed to openly show our feelings. From the second we become gender-aware, it seems as if society is imposing it’s fucked up rules on us to start acting our part. Girls wear pink, boys wear blue. Walk it off. Stuff it down. Be strong, don’t cry. Especially in guys, we are just held to the most bizarre rituals and, as a result, aren’t able to fully appreciate the full emotional suite we come pre-packaged with.
What’s more frustrating is that these emotions are built in for a reason. They are the surge protectors for our brains—our built-in relief valve that allows us to persevere through the most challenging times.
But what do we do as a society? We teach one another to ignore the most important safeguards that we possess. Why? Are you any less of a man when the overwhelming joy or grief takes over, and you find yourself sobbing uncontrollably? Are you any less of a father, a son, a brother, an uncle, a MAN because you have feelings? Stop crying, you “cry baby”…
Society will tell you: Yes, you are, in fact, less of a man. I call bullshit.
Crying is as healthy and fulfilling as laughing. Crying is contagious. Some in the medical profession actually believe that crying is a nonverbal communication that elicits the “helping” behavior in others. I subscribe to this line of thinking. When I was sitting in the church the day we buried David, your tears and crying were the fuel that allowed me to leave my relief valve open. It allowed the overwhelming raw emotion of loss to freely pour out of me. Without your tears, I would have done what society told me I should do: “deep breath,” then stuff it down—be strong for them, show them you don’t feel.
We always feel a little better after a good cry. Our bodies give us an internal hug. A “good for you, self… now, doesn’t that feel a little bit better?” I admire men who are able to cry freely. I consider my cousin Jason, the father of my godson Sebastian, probably one of the strongest men I know in my life. Jason is my barometer for the definition of the word “MAN”: He is physically, spiritually, and mentally the definition by which I hold myself accountable to being male.
If you put me and Jason in a room, there is a 90+% chance at some point during the conversation you will find us embraced—and yes, real men HUG—just sobbing into one another’s shoulders and transferring and venting the stuff society tells us to keep inside between us. And I have never felt more Man when I am doing so.
I am man-enough to say that while I am strong, I am weak, and I need another man to help me through this because only he can understand the societal taboo that my tears are betraying. And I am not ashamed.
If a guy can get up in the morning and cram himself into some skinny jeans, use his body gel, apply his cologne, and essentially embrace the routine women go through daily in the name of fashion and societal acceptance, than why as men are we being held to a different standard than our female counterparts? Girls, you had it right from the get go, emotions on the outside. What’s funny is you always hear women speaking of crying in a very positive sense. I had a “good cry” last night. Don’t know why, just did. They watch movies to make themselves cry?
Heresy, are you trying to say that women actually cry on purpose and have a bunch of socially-acceptable tools sold on the shelf of Best Buy? Next time I go to Walmart, I’m going to ask where the “Men’s Crying” section is.
MEN, real men: Take the ladies lead and get your cry on. Intentionally cry, drum it up, and forgive yourself for stuffing it down. Society is wrong. Real Men Cry—they cry freely, they cry often.
