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I Only Play a Doctor on Television

By November 22, 2011Anger

So this blog was started with very selfish intent. I wasn’t really sure what to do and was getting hit from all sides with questions. I thought this would be a super healthy outlet for me to get any news out but also anonymously vent what I was feeling. I was and still am a plethora of emotions at all times when I think of David and don’t expect that to go away. I pretty much felt I didn’t have anybody to really talk to this about, so I made a conscious decision to just go the Full Monty and open the whole thing up to anybody who would listen.

One of the most interesting things about this blog is that there are more readers than I would have expected who reach out to me daily and share their experiences. There are a lot more “you don’t know me but a friend of a friend forwarded a friend,” etc. etc. Respecting the privacy I am continually shocked, but then again not shocked, about how many people have been impacted by suicide outside of David. My heart goes out to everybody who shares, but I also take some comfort in being able to also share stories with those folks about the similarities and also what I might experience.

I’ve also had a few e-mails from some folks who are troubled by depression and e-mail me regularly, as well. It became very real to me when I started getting those e-mails that we were going to and were already making a difference. To that I say: Do not stop. In the next couple weeks, I am going to be introducing some additional posts on various days from other people who have expressed interest in sharing their stories about Surviving from their point of view and their relationship with David. I think you will find it interesting, and perhaps you will relate differently based upon the relationship you had with David or a person who may be suffering around you.

All that being said, one very important thing became apparent to me in writing this blog, and that was there is a great responsibility that may be inferred by opening this very personal Pandora’s box. I just want to remind everybody that I am NOT a doctor—I have absolutely no professional training in handling this, and actually, in my opinion, in many ways I failed to prevent my brother’s suicide. In a previous blog, I explained that I forgive myself daily for those “Could of/Would Of/Should Of,” but I just think it’s very important to remind each and every one of you that this is a discussion about the worst possible outcome. If you or somebody you know is experiencing depression or suicidal thoughts, you MUST. You have an OBLIGATION to seek professional help.

As an outsider, the warning signs can be anything from mild to unmistakably glaring. For those of you who may think you are depressed or have suicidal thoughts, talk openly. Above all, SEEK professional help. They can help. I have taken some time to look at www.afsp.org, and I believe they are doing some great things for our cause.

I just wanted to point that out because I encourage all of you to e-mail me and share your stories. I try to respond to every e-mail that comes my way. But I don’t want to misguide anybody to think that I am some sort of professional or that somehow, when I share my stories back or share what is working for me, that it will work for you.

The holidays are coming up and, for many people, this can be a challenging time. I know it is for me, and this year is going to prove to be exceptionally challenging. Keep your eyes open, listen, and above all, if you hear something that makes you feel uncomfortable, or if you are feeling something welling up inside of you, reach out.