I sit in the dark at 3:00 a.m. PST, listening to the rain and wind tear and spatter at the shingles upon the rooftop. The room is mildly familiar after having slept in the same room for the last few days. But it has never hosted the insomniac… until today, pounding away at the keyboard.
I’ve tried a bunch of different things tonight that have only resulted in my watching two movies and reading nearly ¾ of two books. So instead, I will type. It was recommended that instead of trying to write something every day, I write several blogs and space them out as needed when I feel inspired to.
Well, we’ll see if we get one more than this, but somehow, to me, it feels like cheating. How many ways can I feel in a single sitting, and how many chapters could I possibly write at one time?
I guess while we are on the topic of cheating, I figure I will try to tell some sort of story as it relates to my brother.
Throughout my life, I’ve always felt like David cheated his way through it while we all got to watch. He was born handsome, and whether or not you like to admit it, pretty people get a break. It doesn’t mean they are any happier or are guaranteed a different result, but they do have an advantage. Don’t get me started on the tall people diatribe—I will skip that one since David was anything but tall.
In that vain way, David was able to cheat, hanging out with “average”-looking people. He was able to cheat a conversation because when a bunch of attractive people get together, who really cares about what they are saying? Let’s all just stop and stare for a second.
He most definitely cheated a good portion of his way through college… enough so that when he approached Jason and I about his graduating, we kind of just blew it off because we knew 80+% of the work was someone else’s. This made him mad, but for the person who left college to join an Internet startup, and the other kid who was paying his way through college at night with a kid, well let’s just say we were less than impressed with David’s claim to a degree.
Now, I don’t mean to say that David was dishonest, lacking in ability, or unwilling to put in an effort. He was anything but those things. In fact, he was probably the most caring, most able person who would put in more work than most people you know. He would do it at his own demise. Most of you reading this will remember his constant attachment to his Blackberry, at which point he may or may not be at your latest birthday, breakup, dinner, wedding, bachelor party, etc. only to watch him BBM’ing with somebody else about their latest crisis.
Oh, it happened to you as well? It was frustrating and insulting because he cheated you out of time with him, and I am sure many of you were thinking to yourself, “Why did you bother to come in the first place?”
But then he would come around for a second or two, and the dimples, eyebrows, and eyes would focus in and do what they do best: Cheat you right out of the negative feelings you were having about him moments ago.
In the end, David cheated himself out of living. He cheated me out of a brother and cheated you all out of a friend. He is cheating me out of some sleep right now, because all I really want to do is be in a state of REM, but every time I close my eyes, I think about me and him and how cheated I feel right now.
