There are two amazing things about Christmas and New Year’s if you are me. They are the two days where I can be absolutely certain I can have whatever kind of day I want. Most people are caught up in obligations and family stuff and, for the most part everybody, has their plan. For me, it is the two quietest days of the year. If I am feeling up to it, I can be social; if I am not, I can safely retreat to the comfort of my solitude and create as much noise or white noise depending on where I am.
I tried both this year. For Christmas, I decided to host a dinner and see if I could get my spirits ups. Well, the spirits went in, and the merriness was found, and then I plunged into the icy waters of despair and sadness towards the end of the night. It came at me out of nowhere. I should have known better since my Christmas spirits were excessive while I was cooking off a 20+ pound turkey (which came out perfectly). I found myself on my rooftop, wishing I hadn’t been so aggressive with my plans. In the end though, I was surrounded by good friends who understand exactly how quickly the past can come colliding with the present. The cold air was helpful in clearing my mind and letting me take on the rush of emotions that were hammering me. But I went from wanting everybody around me to realizing this new format was also entirely foreign and had me thinking about Christmases of past and how I wanted something that is no longer available to me. And to be quite frank, it sucked pretty bad.
I went to sleep and woke up with the usual side effects of too much cooking, not enough eating, and several bottles of good wine.
For New Year’s, I decided it would be best to temper the effects of Christmas and realized the quietest place in the world in to celebrate NYE was in New York City. It sounds funny, but when most of the world is clustered in Times Square and the New York natives rush out of the city, you find a very serene and amazing place to spend a couple hours to yourself, assuming you are safely outside the halo of Time Square.
I opened an incredible Oregon 2010 Pinot and let it decant while I caught up on a couple movies.
When I woke up this morning, I realized a big piece of navigating the holidays is having your options available to you. Pushing yourself too quickly or too aggressively usually ends with poor results. I am constantly learning more about myself in this regards and have become more and more comfortable with recognizing that your holiday can be whatever you want it to be, or nothing at all. And that is okay.
