“Do you ever get sad or depressed around the holidays?” This is a question I am often asked. The answer is simply this: Yes. Tremendously.
And there are a ton of reasons to feel this way. I am not alone, and I know right now there are thousands, tens of thousands, I would even go so far as to say there are more than a million people right now who are feeling the Christmas Blues.
And why not? I mean. for as many reasons there are to be merry, there are an equal amount of reasons we tend to slump into a darker place. As many of you know, I keep—and recommend that you do, as well—a 10-year journal. (You can buy them by clicking here.) Every day, I write a little bit about what happened the day before and each year, I am able to look back and see how I was feeling the year before. This is my third year of keeping this journal, and I am able to see the patterns of the mind state I am in. Each year as the holiday approaches, I find myself making notes that maybe today was little bit harder on me than a normal day.
Just being aware of this for me is a great way to cope with some of the feelings that well up. You can look in the mirror and say, “Hey, today might not be the best day of your life, but you’ll get through it just like you do every year.”
Since you all know my story, a lot of my hurt comes from this sense of loss—these things taken away from me that cannot be replaced. In my opinion, it can be called whatever you want to call it. It’s mostly known as seasonal depression, or clinically may be called Seasonally Affective Disorder, or (rightly named) SAD. Recognizing you are feeling it is a good start. My mother’s love of Christmas was awe-inspiring-ly annoying the to nth degree. If you walked into Mom’s house between Thanksgiving and New Year’s, you’d think you might have to pay an admission fee. When that was so violently taken from me, it only then made sense what was so great about her passion for the holiday. David and I ran from it each year because we both recognized how powerful a day it was, and in a way, I think we both felt ashamed for not appreciating that at the time. But volumes could and have been written about not knowing what you have until you lose it. When David killed himself, I ran… I ran to China into the hearth and home of some very good friends. And maybe it hurt a little less, but boy was I stunned. Last year, I ran again and tried to do something David and I would do, and while there were little pockets of fun, I was racked with despair and loss.
That’s one piece of my depression, and yes, every year about this time in between the good cheer, there are pockets of great sadness. And I am okay with this. There are a lot of reasons to be depressed over the holidays. Maybe you don’t have the money in this commercialized holiday that puts the pressure on each and every one of us to get that perfect gift. Maybe you suffer from a loss similar to mine, and the memories of those we have lost hurt just a little more this time of year. Maybe you’re just clinically depressed, and watching people around you be that much more happy when you cannot do the same gets you.
Regardless, I know you are probably suffering a little more in these coming weeks, and you have to remember you are not alone in this. It’s okay to have swings and more downs around now. The key is to be prepared for them and have a strategy and a gameplan. A couple things you may want to consider for a moment: You are more likely to drink and eat more than normal. If you drink, be aware of that as the next morning might be that much tougher. Our sleep patterns change, and that creates stress in our bodies, all of which impact our ability to manage crisis. Maybe you spent more than you wanted to on the holidays. I guess what I am saying is it will be helpful to be more aware of other factors that live outside of your depression that may be making you “feel” more depressed than normal.
Believe it or not, there is a massive upside to the holidays and to your depression around now, especially if you are predisposed to suicidal thoughts and behavior. There is a massive myth that suicide attempts and suicide completions increase around the holidays. This is a myth. Interestingly, historical data shows that the rates are flat to declining, excepting New Year’s. New Year’s is a challenge that some experts believe have more to do with going back to the doldrums of regular life. But all other holidays tend to see a decrease, and that is attributed to our being with people, to our social interactions with other people. So there’s another little tool for your toolbox: People are for the most part more available and more willing to listen. So take advantage of it. Have your gameplan and reach out. Take advantage of the increased social interactions, but be aware of your drinking if you do, in fact, drink.
Just remember, some days are better than others. By my records and past, I can see that within these little pockets are some great days with people I love very much and only get to see around this time of year. Be aware of yourself and know you are not alone during the holiday season.
When I am feeling a little down, I like to remind myself it is because of two great things in my life that I can no longer share my joy with them and that it’s time to make some new memories that they would have appreciated.
