Frater, brother. Fraternity, brotherhood.
I miss our brotherhood. All those years invested into one another, relentlessly obliterated by the butterfly effect . I find myself thinking about that single moment in time that created the tsunami of your mind.
You are with me every moment of my life. You are the soft breeze that caresses me as I lie on my back, staring into the sky. You are the the blank stare as I look out the window of the car on a quiet drive to nowhere. You are the ripple of sunlight that dances across the surface of the water, the soft waves lapping against the hull.
I am reminded of you in all things. Your name escaping my lips, sometimes whispered, sometimes screamed. I want to tear down the walls and smash through bricks in frustration. I want to hold you in my arms and never let you go. Telling you it will be alright as you had done so many times for me in the past.
Frater. You’ve stolen my heart. I don’t know where you have hidden it. You’ve left not a map, hint, or clue as to what I am to do next. Your council forever silenced.
I see so many things these days that I want to share with you. Experience things that, while sweet, are soured by the fact that you are no longer by my side.
When I laugh, there is always one laugh missing. When I cry, I do it alone. The burdens we carried were meant for two. The burden you left behind leaves my back in knots.
I am Atlas, you are Menoetius. Our punishment carried upon my shoulders forevermore.
You will always be my Frater. Yet fraternize we will not. I’ve lost my Brotherhood. I’ve lost my shadow in all things. I stand at high noon shadow-less, looking for you in all things living around me, trying to not rationalize the why or what, but accepting that what it is, and how it will now be.
