I’m not feeling very thankful this year. Or maybe I am, but I just pissed at what I have to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
In our family, we usually do a little round table of what we are thankful for this year. Up until 2009, I used to make snarky little comments, like how I am thankful for indoor plumbing. I am thankful for air conditioning, or boob jobs. I knew it got a laugh, but they were honestly things I was thankful for. Big turkey dinner, trips to the old outhouse—not any more thanks to the modern miracles of indoor plumbing. Sweating profusely getting you down? Well, thanks to the industrious John Carrier, fret no more! With the flip of the switch, here’s some ice-cold air for you. Boob jobs? Self-explanatory.
But I was, in fact, thankful for these things. I would save the sappy stuff for Aunt Bet or Uncle Bruce, who usually could get about six words out before the tears started. Life Was Good.
But lately, the things I have been thankful for all suck. They’re the worst things in the world you want to be thankful for. Like a seatbelt, an airbag, a smoke detector, or a helmet. Boring, crappy things that you don’t want to be, nor should be, thankful for because they shouldn’t have to be used or become part of your “Thanksgiving Thanks.” But regretfully they sometimes do, and for me, I’ve got a shit-ton of things I am regretfully thankful for these last two years. If you asked anybody what I was most thankful for when Mom died, it was that I had my little brother. You could’ve taken everything else away from me, and I could have cared less. With David by my side I am—I was—Invincible.
Then October happens. And I gotta be honest, I have been thinking about this since pretty much November 1. What in the hell am I going to say at Thanksgiving? I’m pissed that I have to be thankful for my incredible family, aunts, uncles, and cousins, and the support that pours out of them in a time of need. I am pissed that I have to be thankful for my tremendously awesome friends who came from the far corners of this world when they heard something happened with David. I am pissed that I have to be thankful for the fact that many of David’s closest friends have recently become my very good friends and that they are an absolute joy to be around and a constant reminder of how the Price bros have exceptionally good taste in the “family they pick.”
I am pissed that I have to be thankful that I even had a brother who was so fucking amazingly awesome in all that he was and that we had the opportunity to do all that we did in his short time on this planet. Be thankful for the fact that some people don’t get the opportunity to even have a little brother, let alone get along with one the way me and David did. I want to scream my thanks at the sky at the top of my lungs. But I won’t. Great, I’m crying again… and now I have to be thankful that? (Remind self to see previous post about it being okay to cry.)
Because in the end, I am thankful for all of it, reluctantly. Kicking and silently screaming, I am thankful for it all. I’m just hoping we can get back to being thankful for the dumb stuff I’ve been making a list of but been to busy with the above to even be remotely thankful for it.
So I begrudgingly give Thanks to all of YOU who have been here for me, who are reading this blog, who have been so generous with your donations, your e-mails, your stories. Today I want you to look around that room while you are stuffing your face, and make a mental note of each and every person sharing today with you physically, in your heart and otherwise, and give ’em a big ol’ cheesy hug and kiss. Remind them that you are thankful they are there in all there awesomeness and awkwardness and whatever other quirky ways you think of your families and friends.
